the love for anything that moves esp bikes! oh yes, and blushers. what a contradiction! :)

Monday, January 14, 2008

after i sent out xmas cards to my long lost friends, i received thankful msgs from them and then we started to chat and update.

today i was supposed to meet one of them but i didnt feel too good after yest's trip to the temple to pray for my ah gong's 100th day.

it feels so unreal that he had been away for 3 months plus and till this very day, i always imagined him calling me from the corridor whenever i reach his place. i rememebered how he used to call me many times a day to hear our voices, to make sure that there was someone to talk to him. how he always complained that he was gg to die soon and we wont have any ah-gong anymore.

why didnt we cherish many things and only realise the importance of someone/something after it is gone?

his photo was up on the urn already. i dunno if he was present during the monk chanting, but i certainly hope he was. hoped he was there to see everyone of us praying for him.

this year chinese new year, like wat my sister posted on her blog is definitely different without him to prepare his delicious charcoal steamboat, without him to refill the scorching buring charcoal to keep the soup boiling, without him nagging at us not to drink so much coke, without him to give us the ang baos, without us saying "AH GONG HAPPY NEW YEAR!" the moment we arrive, without his toothless smile.

today's mood is horrible. and all i did today was to shop alone in chinatown, some pecaceful therapy, away from friends, away from everyone.

it does not help at all after those 2-3 hrs crying late in the night.

i wonder if time really heals.

i wonder why ahgong is.

i wonder why it hurts so much.

ahgong, im gg to visit you with sharon with ur favourite chocolate next week when she has no sch. be patient okay, we'll go there once she is done w her busy sch work. i know you will ustand cos u always tell us studying is more impt than anything.

and speaking of my friends, i just received another sms from this ex-collegue turned friend from the airport.

she is only 19 but she is so much more mature than any of my friends.

she is currently doing a scholarship part time dip and a full time kindergarten teacher now.

she chose this career bcos of her love for kids.

and while we were exchanging updates abt ourselves, she said im a lucky chap with a good job that pays reasonably. while for her, she is underpaid with super long hrs and she always has burn her weekends to prepare for lessosn the next following week.

asked her what was her plan for the next 1 year or do, she said she isnt sure if she shld just follow her passion and even after graduation, her pay will be a pathetic 1.4k for tt kinda hrs tt she put in. her bf says it is life and tat passion and pay debate is endless, which i cant agree more.

of course, there are pp who would say who says u cant get paid highly for jobs u love.

yes, no doubt there is.

but e point is, generally, it is not applicable to many people.

i then told her, sometimes, it is a matter of choice. whether u are bounded by any kinda forced circumstances, whether u have a family to raise or whether u have debts to repay.

it also depends on what kinda person you are. for example, there are some pp who can survive on romance and forgo the bread and butter. a little extreme, but it makes sense like those love slaves. and then it also boils down to how u balance passion and the ability to feed urself. to me, i may not have the BEST job or the kinda job tt i totally love, but it makes sense for me to receive perhaps a market rate pay or perhaps higher than market rate pay and that kinda compensate the lack/insufficient passion in the current job. afterall, im a more practical person and ustand how singapore works. of course, i wont compromise on my happiness so much that i drag my feet to work.

i think choosing a job has many other more factors to consider. yellow told me she had a fren who job-hunted for more than 9 months before she got her ideal job. it is a long wait, but to me, ultimately if u know wat u wan, and it makes u happy, then hurray.

so much talk for those jobs, companies and all. seriously, it is up to you. :)

and ahma always say "not happy dont do lo, u are still young can always find a job."

i thank pp ard me for the constant support.

and now that i finally grasp the duties of my current title, it really does feel different to enter the management level the moment u graduate. to take instruction is indeed different from giving instruction. the diff is when u take instructions, you can push the blame to the person who gives out e instruction, but when u give, u are responsible for every single word you say.

im gg out now since the rain stopped. gg to giant to buy ahma's favourite brand of coffee tt is only sold at imm giant!