the love for anything that moves esp bikes! oh yes, and blushers. what a contradiction! :)

Monday, October 15, 2007

亲爱的阿公 ,

today is the 9th day you have been away, but the pain in my heart hasnt been any lesser.

我的心好痛.

your death is a fact that i dunno how to accept and get over.

tmr, xiuhui and i are going to make a trip to the temple and we are buying you some "watches" so that you can collect them up there.

i know it is a little too late to tell you what i feel, but i do hope the angels up there will read my words, translate them and tell you what i wish to say.

since k1, you have been showering me with your love, care and concern. and if it isnt for you, i wouldnt have been who i am today.

thank you for fetching me from school when noone else is free to do so. i enjoyed the walk from redhill mrt station back to our flat. i loved the first camera that you had given me as my 10th bday gift. you patiently taught me how to insert those batteries and films so that i could operate the camera. you were the one who inspired me to love photography. thou my photography skills are nowhere near the professional, i had taken photos of us. moments of joys, happiness. thru photos, i remembered how u watched me grow. thru photos, u saw how sisters and i grew after we moved out of our house thru photos, u accompanied me thru all the important phases in life.

thank you for buying me my first bmx blue bicycle for my 9th bday. u repaired my bicycle whenever i crashed into the wall, oiled the chain whenever it starts to make creaking sound, raised the seat up for me when i grew too tall such that my legs touched the ground and not the pedals. thank you for removing those extra 3rd and 4th legs so that i would learn how to ride a bicycle with only 2 wheels. thank you for holding my hands whenever i cldnt balance properly during the first 2 hrs on the 2 wheel bicycle.

thank you for bringing me to the pool and helped me overcame my fear for water. you bought my a pretty orange poka-dot swimsuit with pretty laces. thou i was still afraid to swim under ur guidance then, you sacrificed ur time for the swim in the deep pool to make sure i have fun with my new friends that i made in the baby pool. you saw my fear and bought me a swimming float. you never fail to buy me my favourite coke and fishballs when i got too hungry and nagged at me for drinking cold gas-y drinks. still, you spoilt me. :)

thank you for allowing me to carry out my science experiments outside the corridor. how i grew my own beansprouts out of those green beans and how you pretend to get amazed with me when i saw leaves growing out from those green beans buried in the damp cotton wool.

thank you for bringing me to sentosa when i only whined that i wanted to see the fish in the underwater world. thank you for sitting right beside me when it was already 7pm and u were so damn tired and i whined that i wanted to watch the evening laser show at sentosa.

thank you for getting so anxious over me when i got bitten by a hen in the science club farm when i was in primary 3. the pain in your eyes mirrored nothing near the pain i experienced from the bite.

thank you for nagging at me whenever i used to walk up in the middle of the night to cook my favourite instant noodles with egg because u made me realised how unhealthy they are and it was the love that made me so touched.

thank you for being so supportive when i quitted my first job after graduation. u said to be happy in life, dont go for high paying jobs, instead look for sth which u feel happy doing. thank you for sharing my joy with me when i first got my PSA job. thank you for at least giving me the chance to give you the first allowance out of my first PSA pay cheque.

i know i wont have the chance to do so, but im so glad i have made u so proud. from a student who topped the class all the way to doing part time earning my own pocket money while studying in uni till graduation from uni and then a lovely job in PSA, i wont have been able to achieve all these without you during my childhood time. i am where i am because of you. i have become a finer person because of you. and because of you, you made me realise life is so much more.

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thank you for being so proud of me.

sorry-s. sorry-s for all the things tt i cldnt do/had done when u were alive. sorry that i made u angry and talked back at you w/o realising how painful it must have felt then.

sorry tt i ran out of the house when u tried to chase me with the cane and to hit me. sorry tt i didnt realise that it must have felt so painful for u inside ur heart when it was only mere physical pain on my body.

sorry tt i cldnt accompany you to beijing to walk the great wall of china. ur body was just too weak for me to do anything. i cldnt bear to lose u in china.

sorry that i was busy with work and cld only visit u once a month.

sorry that i was impatient with you. i didnt like it that you said that you were going to die soon because u were just too sick.

sorry that i didnt pick up ur calls in the day time bcos i was soundly alsp after my night shift.

sorry that i cldnt buy my first car in time to fetch u ard.

i would, and i could have done alot. but i didnt know how to cherish and love you enough.

i would give anything in the world away for my ahgong to come back and be right beside me, to scold me, to nag at me, to call me 20 times a day.

i promise to nt talk back, to listen all his calls and to be ard all the time.

i wish i could carry out these promises.

我的心好痛. 真的好痛.

ahgong, thou u are no longer phyiscally with me, i will rememember you all my life.

我好爱你.

because you are the reason why i cld achieve so much in life.

please feel our love from up there.

i really do hope u wont feel any physical pain anymore up there, and may the other world be a better place.

dont worry abt us, we will stay strong and do well in life for you. i wan you to be proud of me as my grandfather. i wan you to tell the angels up there that "hey, SEE! tt is my granddaughter, she is doing so well down there."

please eat and sleep well up there.

i promise you that i will look after ahma well and bring her to daiso to buy anything and whatever she likes.

please dont be mad with her for buying so many containers back okay? :) she just likes to collect them.

i promise, i wont weep anymore after tonight.

with love,

你的宝贝孙女

秀琳.