the love for anything that moves esp bikes! oh yes, and blushers. what a contradiction! :)

Friday, January 12, 2007

first day in sch. well, actually sch officially starts on 8th. but being the first monday of the sch sem, there was no lab. and on the 9th, i was supposed to have my chemistry lectures. but i was away in bkk.

wed and thur being my off days, there was no sch.

so here i am back in sch, having my first lecture at business. i was late thou. luckily suzanne was ard w me. somehow it seems so much better to have a fren ard in the same lecture grp. it makes u feel less lonely.

i have been feeling really down for the past 2 nights and i clearly know the reason. but i just cant seem to pacify myself. i know these feelings will go away cos time helps to heal alot of things. however there are some wounds tt will heal with the scars left behind to remind the person of the past.

i went to a blog tt yellow and i used to read and i realised e girl shifted the blog to somewhere. and i was waiting for a 7pm appointment at causeway point, so i decided to read thru the archives.

for some reasons, the first link i clicked on was the october 2004 archive. october, is my favourite month cos firstly, it is my bday month, and secondly, i like how october is spelt. it sounds classy and unique to me.

that month in tt year happened to be the month where she broke up w her boyfriend of 5 years.

i saw this song.

The Long Goodbye - Ronan Keating

I know they say if you love somebody
You should set them free (so they say)
But it sure is hard to do
Yeah, it sure is hard to do
And I know they say if they don't come back again
Then it's meant to be ( so they say)
But those words ain't pulling me through
Cos I'm still in love with you
I spend each day here waiting for a miracle
But it's just you and me going through the mill(climbin' up a hill)

This is the long goodbye
Somebody tell me why
Two lovers in love can't make it
Just what kind of love keeps breaking a heart?
No matter how hard I try
You're gonna make me cry
Come on, baby, it's over, let's face it
All that's happening here is a long goodbye

Sometimes I ask my heart did we really
Give our love a chance (just one more chance)
And I know without a doubt
I turned it inside out
And if we walked away would make more sense (only self defense)
But it tears me up inside
Just to think we still could try
How long must we keep riding on a carousel
Going round and round and never getting anywhere? (on a wing and prayer)

This is the long goodbye
Somebody tell me why
Two lovers in love can't make it
Just what kind of love keeps breaking a heart?
No matter how hard I try
You're gonna make me cry
Come on, baby, it's over
Let's face it
All that's happening here is the long goodbye

The long goodbye
The long goodbye
This is the long goodbye

Someone please tell me why

Are you ever coming back again
Are you ever coming back again
Are you ever coming back again
Guess I'm never coming back again

i could feel the girl's heartache. the couple had to spilt bcos of the weak foundation they had in their rship. issues that have been accumulated for far too long. when a rship ends, both parties are at fault. only a matter of how much. i wondered if both are willingly to try again, would they make it at the end of the day? they seem like a really compatible couple.

i weeped a little in the lecture theatre today. got reminded by some stuff and i just cant control myself. it feels like a roller coaster. this roller coaster seems relatively comfortable bcos i have been on the high end for a long time, but when it comes rolling down, the feelings sucks. i know soon, i will be fetched to the high end where i will be really happy again. however till then, these feelings refuse to go away.

it has been a long time i felt this way. i just dunno wat to do. i dunno how to make myself happy except to wait for time to fade away all these feelings.

in bangkok, i was hailing for a cab to travel from one place to another. so many vehicles passed by and none caught my eye. and just so happened tt this unsightly tuk tuk passed me by and i took note of the car plate.

it said 2305.

why, of all so many vehicles, did i notice this tuk tuk?

why?

perhaps i am placing myself far too deep in my thots. i guess i shld just stop here. bcos with such thots, it does me no good and it is not healthy. and the fact is tt it is not fair to anyone at all.

i shldnt be feeling in this way anymore.

nana, if u are reading this, thank you for the open-heartedness and the faithful listening ear. it was more than i can ask for.

somehow life seems to disappoint me a little by a little recently. well, like i say, god is fair. when there are ups, there are surely downs.

i feel like my best friend isnt my best friend. alot of times, if one observes enuff, such labels are merely superficial terms. i have long come to term with the fact. however i choose to believe tt you dont recognise any tom, dick or harry as your best friend. only pp worthy of such labels deserve the title. but the fact is life tires pp out and it is not easy to manage so many commitments afterall. friends come and go, the only thing one can do is to cherish friends who are there for u at tt point of time.

time out for such feelings. im gg to causeway point now to select some gifts. go away, tears.